Friday, April 27, 2007

Do I Have to Kiss on the First Date?

"Pace" my father would say.

"Pace?" I'd ask.

"Pace."

"Cadence" my father would would say.

"Cadence?" I'd ask.

"Cadence."

"No rush. Smell the roses. You can go too fast, but you can rarely go too slow."

Of course when he was dispensing this wisdom it was when we were running around the lakes back when I was in college and he was in his 50's. And as a means by which to excuse his inability to keep up with my pace he would tender the argument, "Good runners pace themselves. no rush. Cadence. Pace."

That and he wanted to extend the time he could scope out the young 20 something chicks running around Minneapolis.

But his words in an odd sense were very appropriate last night for your beloved captain had a first date.

Now I'm old. And I don't mean that in an age way, I mean that in an experience way. To quote Indiana Jones, "it's not the years, it's the mileage" and thus is my case.

I don't get excited about first dates anymore. I frankly don't have the time and I don't have the energy. Worrying never resulted in a tangible benefit and as 99.6% of first dates go, that's all they ever become, ergo why get worked up over nothing? So when you get to be the decrepit age of 32 dating no longer is something to get excited about, it's a chore. And you no longer hope to score in the first night, you hope to have concluded the date and be in bed by 11PM, maybe even knocking off earlier to enjoy a beer with your buddies at your friendly neighborhood bar.

In otherwords, first dates are about as exciting as going to church. You don't get excited and you don't expect anything because that's what they are.

So I go on the date. And she's a nice girl. Witty banter is exchanged. Inquiries asked about the other. We hit a swing joint and a Latin joint, notch up a couple dances. And I'm so indifferent about dating at this stage that I'm completely relaxed for it's no different than just hanging out with a friend or an acquaintance. It is the complete opposite of when you were 16 and you spent the last 50% of the date worrying about whether you'd kiss the girl or not or how you would go about kissing her and what strategy you would employ.

Now you're thinking, "You know, if I leave here by 1030, I could maybe finish off that John Wayne movie I left in the DVD player."

So it was getting to be that time. I had to get to work the next morn and so I suggest that it's time to go and she concurs.

So I drive her to her car, pull up next to it and then the wierdest thing happened. Fully expecting her to hop out and say "catch ya later" like my good buddy Chico would, she sits there.

Still not even thinking, I was like, "well... have a good night."

She said, "yeah, thanks that was really fun!"...but she's still sitting there.

And then you start using phrases that are polite and signal the end of the conversation. You know, common phrases like;

"Well, I better get going"

or

"Well, we'll be seeing ya!"

or

"Yep, well, you have a good night."

Still sitting there.

And THEN, THEN it hits me.

"Wait, does she want me to actually kiss her????"

Which is so foreign to me at this now old and decrepit age.

"Why would she want to kiss on the first date? Who kisses on the first date? That's so 1997! Isn't it kind of forward or rude to kiss some girl you just took out once? No, she can't really be expecting a kiss on the first date. Surely modern day women don't kiss on the first date!"

In either case I was thrown off and didn't want to make her uncomfortable so I leaned over and gave her a friendly hug. Which I thought was a safe diplomatic compromise. Didn't want to be forward, and frankly I just don't kiss any ole girl that comes along. Kind of have to establish a fair amount of "liking" before you get with the kissing.

Regardless the hug seemed to do the trick and I was on my way back. Was thinking in the car if that is what is socially acceptable or not. Are men now expected to just kiss the girl on the first date? since when did this rule change? And to be forthright, I don't like it. I don't like to be rushed. Threw me off guard there and to quote Cary Grant from "Father Goose" "she scared me half to death!" I'm an old man. We 32 year old men can't handle such reckless and wanton advances.

So please ladies, despite our evil Cary Grantish and economic charms;

"Pace. Cadence. No rush."

13 comments:

Anonymous said...

That's hilarious; I now have something to look forward to in 7 years.

CapitalBabs said...

good job, captain... each girl is different on that score. Sounds like you played it right for her.. you could even think about date #2 sometime.

Captain Capitalism said...

Date #2?

What's that?

Like you mean go out with the same person twice????

Do people do that????

;)

Anonymous said...

Maybe she wanted you to open the door for her.
Seriously, I hear that politeness and all that is making a comeback.

Anonymous said...

She was waiting for you to open her door.

bellicoze said...

Why not kiss on the first date? You knew she was waiting for it. Didn’t you like her?

After all, we live in the age of movies where you leave your fiancé after a really great dinner with a stranger. How many days did it take Cary Grant, or any other star, to marry a girl, much less kiss her?

In addition to the above questions:

Will you go out with her again, knowing she wanted to kiss you on the first date?

Do you think there is a relation between your sexual habits and your politics?

Carlito said...

omg... she wanted a kiss? what was she thinking? that a date is for increasing the odds of finding a couple? C'mon...

Anonymous said...

I went out on a first date the other night. He was about your age. I had a very nice time, he was very classy.

When he walked me to the door he tried to kiss me a few times, I turned my cheek, I need to know him a little better. He said I was old fashion and left.

Now I'm feeling a little guility. I probably should of explained.

It's nice to know you feel the same way about first dates.

As for yours, maybe she was waiting for you to open the door. I sat in the car till my opened the door.

SilverPoet said...

I found your blog by searching to find what people think about first date kisses. I myself was surprised when two different guys wanted to kiss at the end of a first date, and I thought maybe I didn't understand the rules correctly. Two guys in a row storming off mad cause I hurried them out the door, lol, and I begin to wonder...

Anonymous said...

...Omg, it's Feb 27, 1:38am, I just totally had to look up on the net about something on first date kissing because I just ...well ALMOST went through that. Ok, listen,

I'm a girl first of all, this guy I was in theater club with ended up chilling w/me after class, this is probably the 3rd time we talk, but its the first time we actually "hang out." After eating and talking...we chilled outside in 30 degree weather (hehe, apparently he can take it, I know I can) but things get weird....

My scarf slips off and he picks it up really quickly...but as he puts it around my neck, he tries to go in for a kiss!!! Pretty slick if you ask me, but WTF!!! It's not like we're dating! IDK WHAT he was thinking...

He made it obviously clear he liked me a few meetings before. But like after his failed attempt, I was like "what was that about? I mean...its not like you know me!!"

And he was like "yeah, maybe I should."

Just awkward. I've never experienced such forwardness. This guy is confident no doubt. But man, the attempt kinda caught me off guard...I'd love a comment from you Captain or any other person w/good input. Email me back please! I need to hear if you guys or girls KNOW whats up w/this behavior!! It's new to me!

KamuiShirou24@yahoo.com

Captain Capitalism said...

Hi Kamui,

Well, I'll just give you a little general advice for the guys, and I'm assuming you're under 30, but this advice is simple and will serve you well as you get older;

1. Don't stand guys up.
2. If you want to kiss a guy, kiss him.
3. Return calls within 24 hours.
4. Cut it with the middle school girl games if you still play them and become a woman, not a girl.
5. Get a career and your own place and pay for your half of the dates.
6. Do not substitute 40 cats for one boyfriend.
7. If you have a cat, clean up after it.
8. Do not wait around for us to ask you to put on something sexy, it's not degrading, you're not a "thing" when you do this, you're just making a guy happy.
9. If you genuinely like the guy, when he picks you up for your 5th date, have a martini made for him.

You follow those simple 9 rules and you'll be in the top 1% of women (and that is not an exaggeration).

Best of luck, and screen for the good guys and study economics!

Cpt.

Anonymous said...

Well I'm 35 and I met this 45 years old guy just on my way back from hiking trip...he helped me to find my way back and he gave me his biz card...I emailed him thanks...then he kept chatting with me emailing me..txt messaging me...and wanting to go out with me!
I got scared of him, because he got too comfortable and emailing me about top 10 women's sexual fantasies and telling me that he's up to all of them...he kept saying that he wants to make my fantasies true!!!
Also, he emailed me telling me that he wants to buy stuff for me...sounds very wierd....
At the top of all these, he's very well known person...he's a writer...Invester Banker...Professor at the university and some other stuff...and I searched him on the net...all it's true...he didn't fake them!
He told me he's going through divorce and then he told me that he just dated the girl for 3 months before getting married...she said she's pregnant that's why they got married and then she wasn't and they got seperated after three months marriage and it's been couple of months left to finalize the divorce!!!!!
anyway, he took me to a nice restaurant and some other place after that for desert...then he puts his hands around me, but I felt it's going towards my boobs!!! and I pushed him away...then he dropped me off in front of the elevator telling me that he's scared of elevator!
Once, he got home...he kept txt messaging me if I like him or not...of course...no answer from my side...cause I didn't know what to say....
then he told me do you want to be my princess? you can have all your freedom....and this princess thingy was freeking me out....I didn't know what he ment by that...asking him over the txt message...no right answer!
days later he chatted with me online and calling me carzy...telling me that I didn't kiss him in the first date and all the other girls are doing it...I told him...I don't care...I don't do that...
He ended up the conversation by telling me he likes hairy girls! girls who don't shave!!!!
That was so turn off for me that I told him...I don't want to talk to you anymore and I closed my yahoo messanger!
I'm so confused yet....I wanted to kiss him badly...but he's rush to the stuff made me step back...and now I'm happy that I didn't do that...I feel so proud of myself...and thinking that he's so weird and now he's pissed too!
Do you think really that we have to kiss the guy in a frist date?
How do we have to show him we like him?
Thanks

Sara said...

Thanks for your post. And thank you for also thinking it weird to kiss on the first date! I am a female and just had a date with a guy and got two kisses, not completely sure I wanted them. I mean, this guy I met on the train and I virtually know nothing about him except for what he told me at dinner. The kissing wasn't horrible and I was somewhat flattered and aroused...but that is another story.

I would have preferred no kiss...because yes, while we hit it off with conversation, doing too much kissing at the beginning is strange, because it isn't emotionally-based...because we don't even know each other.