Friday, March 20, 2009

The Captain's Really Quick Week In Review Re-"Cap"

As some of you may have noticed, I am a little lackluster in the posts. This is due to this time of year being tax season and dance season which consumes the majority of my time. Ergo, allow me to give you the insight, wit and criticism of the important issues of today before the weekend starts and I have to go back to the grind to (sigh) teach single ladies how to dance;

1. This slamming on Obama making a joke about the special olympics? I'm sorry, everybody should shut the hell up and leave him alone. I will not tolerate hypocrisy in this ideology. If we want to be able to talk freely in this nation and banish politically correct speech, then the first thing we on the capitalist side of the force must do is allow those on the communist side of the force those same freedoms of speech. I heard it on talk radio and all you middle aged women who have no lives, no purpose and no point in your existence who call into talk radio and FEIGN indignation against Barack Obama cutting an innocent joke should shut the hell up. I am NO supporter of Barack Obama, but what I hold in higher regard is principle and how dare you criticize him for something as innocent as that while you bitch and moan in the same breathe about being suffocated by politically correct speech on our end. This is what separates us from them, intellectual honesty. Learn it, adhere to it, or go join the other side Arianna Huffington.

2. In a related note; YES congress should tax AIG and any other bailout recipient at a 90% tax rate for their bonuses. You see, again, we get back to this intellectual honesty. There is a parallel here between the war against corporate corruption and the war against terrorism. We (on the RIGHT side of the force) complained when there was petty complaints about torture, lack of due process, and rights being granted to what were essentially terrorists. We saw these evil people for who they were, and realized that the law has to be bent, if not broken to deal with these terrorists. How many of you complained because leftists were complaining about Ackbar's cell phone being traced because he was calling Afghanistan before every terrorist attack? Well it's the same thing here people. Treat these corporate exectuive schmucks and parasites as the enemy. And here is Obama and the (god, I can't believe I'm standing up for these people) Democrat congress saying, "OH yeah, AIG??? Well F%CK YOU! We're taking it anyway!"

It's the ballsy leadership we need.

Criticize Obama for destroying the economy with unfinanceable bailouts.

Criticize Obama for basically making slavery legal again by enslaving our children to pay for a lazy parental generation.

Criticize Obama for being a pathetic, preppy, wanna be, mama's boy who isn't a real man and never paid his way through college.

But for cripes sake, when he targets aggressively the assholes who got us into this economic crisis, don't be so intellectually dishonest and bitch about procedure just like the left did about the treatment of terrorists at Gitmo.

3. Just finished teaching a dance class at a local high school. I told the kids to partner up. There are three young guys standing by themselves and 6 extra girls. Guess what happens!

The 6 girls partner up with EACH OTHER and leave the three guys by themselves.

Now I don't have children, but it seems to me I'd be an infinitely better parent than most out there. Whoever you parents are that bring up your daughter to the point they'd rather dance with one another and not the honorable young man who had the courage to attend a dance class should be ashamed because you failed.

Let me tell you what is the most insulting and pathetic behavior of young women today; when a MAN asks you to dance and you not only turn him down BUT THEN DANCE WITH A FEMALE FRIEND. Now I could forgive this if you were genuinely homosexual, and that's fine, but when it's nothing more than sophomoric, childish, girly behavior because you're too god damned insecure to interact with the opposite sex because your parents failed to bring you up right, then this behavior will ensure you're 40, single, beleaguered with cats as children-subsitutes, and wondering why you don't have children yet and why no man will date you.

I think it's high time fathers quit being the Ray Romano's of the world, man up, stand up to their wives, start drawing lines in the sand, and hold daily lessons in manhood with their daughters and teach them the proper etiquette of how to interact with men when they get older. That's you're GD fathers for. To teach your daughters how to interact with MEN.

But, of course, you don't have to listen to me. But you will have to listen to your daughter complain when she's 39, has passed up on 17 grand and wonderful men who would have made great son-in-laws, and cries and cries and cries about why "Sex in the City" didn't turn out to be a reality for her, and then you will say, "oh, why oh why, didn't I listen to the Captain on this one? Despite being so young, he was so wise."

Thus concludes my super fast analysis of this week's newsworthy events.

Your mission for this weekend;

Fathers - have the father daughter talk. The real one. Not the "ponies and princesses" one.

Mothers - Let the fathers do this so that your daughter may actually meet a real and nice man and bring you a couple grandkids.

Men - Go buy your DAME some flowers and ice cream or something and while you're at it write her a poem, not matter how goofy, they like the effort. Start with the phrase "Your kisses are sweeter than beer" and go from there.

Women - Go put on something sexy before your man comes home, fix him up a martini and light him up a cigar. Don't give me your complaints, just do it, I'm trying to help you.

Children - Play video games and watch Saturday morning cartoons (even though they suck compared to the Bugs Bunny cartoons we had back in the 80's). Then get off your lazy asses and go play outside.

Eveyrbody- buy the damn book already. Geez, I got to put table of food guys. I know,you can procrastinate and put it off till later, but you've been doing that for 8 months. What makes you think you're going to actually pull the trigger? Do it now already!

The Captain has spoken.

12 comments:

Alex said...

I'm not particularly upset by Obama's behavior (hell, I've made similar jokes before), but for jeebuses sake cappy, what the hell does it have to do with free speech?

If the guy says something stupid and I call him an idiot who shouldn't be in public office, I'm not oppressing his right to free speech - I'm USING MY OWN RIGHT TO FREE SPEECH. If a police officer were to arrest him for voicing those opinions, or if some nut were to physically assault him, then THAT would be a violation of his rights, but nothing even close to that is going on here.

Hot Sam said...

I can't say I agree on number 1 and number 2.

A person is judged a hyporcrite by his own values, not those of others. I agree that his joke was innocent and I myself refer to "Jerry's Kids" as a term for general clumsiness or stupidity. But Obama lives in the world of calling the views with which he disagrees 'hate speech'. "Hater" is the new liberal word du jour. His worshippers harrass people for 'harrassment.' He needs to be held to their standards.

I don't need to conserve fuel because I don't believe in the Greenhoax Effect. But Obama does, and every plane flight he makes just to sign a bill is a grave insult to every American who has to pay for his Eco-boondoggles.

As for AIG bonuses, taxing them away is VERY bad precedent and entirely illegal. The Constitution forbids ex post facto laws. Changing tax regimes after income is earned violates the Constitution. If we allow these taxes, then we allow the Demon Rats to tax ANYTHING they don't like, ex post.

Demon Rats are criticizing bailed out firms for paying salaries and bonuses, holding conferences, advertising, and buying foreign assets. Did all the normal methods of good business disappear? Did we throw money at AIG so they can't keep good people and can't advertise or invest? Why didn't we just shoot them!

Look, the bonus flap is just hot air to avoid responsibility for Dodd, Frank, Geithner, and Obama being in bed with AIG executives. Tax the bonuses, and all you do is give them a scapegoat. The bonus money was less than Obama's inauguration. It was 1/100th of their bailout. It was 1/1000th of the total deficit. AIG is contractually obligated to pay. We don't need to let courts waste time and money invalidating this tax. I don't want them to have the money, but laws aren't about doing what you want. It's about doing what is lawful.

Now Justice is an outcome, not a process. If it's justice you want, a whole lot of people need to be stripped of all their assets and hung from the nearest lamp post. But that wouldn't be lawful, would it?

Doug said...

Captain -

I would buy my wife some flowers, but I just did our taxes tonight. Seems like all this "living below your means" and living in a house you can afford has hit us hard. Even with extra withholding, we get to write a check of about $1400 to Mr. Geitner and company. Total tax bill = $25000, meaning no flowers this weekend.

As for the AIG bonuses, I'm gonna have to disagree with you. Dodd et al inserted language protecting those bonuses, and now raise holy terror about them, after they've already dropped $2 trillion . . . . On top of that, the law would be retroactive to when the act took place, which is clearly unconstitutional.

But I hope you won't hold it against me. I mean, we're only talking about $165,000,000. Hardly even real money, right?

I hesitate to offer the obvious solution to the problem, but I will because I can.

Since P-BO has no problem printing money like it's going out of style, why not just leave the printing presses run for another 30 minutes or so? After all the money they're printing, that extra $165M would hardly increase inflation.

Okay, back to reality.

Take care, Captain. Have a great weekend!

Anonymous said...

Really, it was the DVD fiasco that was most humorous. Did anyone for a second think that a DVD set would be an inappropriate gift for a Prime Minister?

Captain Capitalism said...

God, I know, it's just so pathetic who we elected. Then again, look at the electorate.

Anonymous said...

1. I think most to the outrage over the Special Olympics joke is just payback for how every slip by Bush became front page news. We would be much better off if both sides could just let these things slide, but I don't expect that to happen.

2. I have no problem with preventing the bonuses, but from what I understand, the blame for the bonuses belongs to the Democrats. To me it looks like the Democrats rushed this through to cover their *****. Shouldn't the payouts to the counter parties upset people more? Why does so much money find its way into Goldman Sachs' coffers?

3. If I was there, I'd be one of those 3 guys.

Anonymous said...

If only Obama has used the term 'tard'...that always gets me dirty looks from my little filly.

S. Harvey said...

you get the leaders you deserve and unfortunately for the US and most of the World the American people have not been very deserving for a long while now.

Allowing retro active laws and going back on ones "good" word is a slippery slope. Very Putin or Hugo like.

Anonymous said...

Her kisses were better than beer
Her lips – magnifique – without peer
How could I despise her
‘Cause she drinks Budweiser
Her kisses were better than beer

Anonymous said...

Captain, I'm really happy I stumbled upon your blog. I thought real mean were a dying breed. Now I know there are others.

Anonymous said...

Dear Mr. Manners/Capt Manners,

I would be really interested to hear your opinion on dance etiquette for married women.

My husband is deaf as a post in a bar (can't hear with all the background noise), so 95% of the time I end up at a bar it is with female friends.

I really like to dance, so I always say yes to anyone who asks me, after warning them that (a) I'm not that good, and (b) I'm married.

However, my big brother, who is sometimes a pain in the butt, has told me before that he absolutely refuses to dance with a married woman or a woman with a boyfriend. He is generally of the opinion of "Get the hell away from me!" if they are married or boyfriended. I also have a 40+ year old guy friend who only goes to bar to meet women to date, and gets very very annoyed that some women will dance with him but have no interest in dating him.

Soooooo, what's the protocol here? Is it pretty much okay to dance because someone asks you and you like doing it, or are you being slutty and leading them on? Am I being .... mildly unfaithful to my husband by dancing with strange men? Does the song speed matter (I usually make guys wait till a fast song if they ask me during a slow song), or am I just fooling myself?

I should be honest and admit thatI really really do like to dance, so I will probably continue to dance with 95% of the guys who asks me (unless I know him to be a total sleaze), but I would be curious to know another man's opinion on this, especially a dance instructors.

Thank you.


Is this a common opinion of men?

Captain Capitalism said...

I'll make a post of it MT.